Rockin' On

I’ve been going through our attic in a continuing effort to de-clutter our house. I brought down all the baby “things” of mine and Julie’s that we were saving for Mary and Tony. Then put them together and took them to GoodWill. Some things hurt more to keep than others especially when the future for them has been erased.

I remember sitting on my mother’s lap in the kitchen of our home in south Georgia. It was early, early morning and she always sat looking out the window sipping a cup of coffee. I’d wake up to find her not beside me and run to the kitchen and hop in her lap laying my head on her chest. She would put her arm around me and hold me tight rocking back and forth, with coffee cup still in hand. It was so very peaceful as only a child can know peace. No harm could come in the arms of my mother.

But at some point a mother has to let go to ensure the success and well being of the child she raised. They have to learn their lessons on their own. Then, I’m told, you enter into the “empty nest syndrome”. I haven’t gotten there yet which means I haven’t let go. Woe to my poor children! The problem with adult children is they get to talk smack to you and you can’t spank them. At least I can’t, they’re all bigger than I am. But now I can stick my lip out and they feel badly. Switching places has it ups!

Sunday night was better than Saturday night. I didn’t sleep on the sofa. But Monday brought so many things I wanted to do for Mary’s party that I hardly had time to actually work. I didn’t have time to think about the hurt. I didn’t have time to hardly breathe. I find if I keep ignoring myself I will explode at some point, kind of like a geyser. Just have to figure out how to control the release valve.

Rockin’ On

Rockin’ on....Rockin’ on down this long dark road...Rockin’ on.
Rockin’ strong....Holdin’ tight so I don’t explode...Rockin’ strong

Greatly obsessed, distressed, depressed, maybe even a little possessed
But still.... Rockin’ on

I can’t see the light through the cloudy skies
thunder booms and the lightning blinds
but when I rock my soul I get by.....Rockin’ on

Rockin’ on...Rockin’ on over rivers that drown.....Rockin’ on
Rockin’ slow....time’s too fast, memories shut down…Rockin’ fast

Rockin’ on.....Rockin’ across fields barren and bleak....Rockin’ on
Rockin hard....only to find my life is hide and seek......Rockin’ on

I can’t see the light through the cloudy skies
thunder booms and the lightning blinds
but when I rock my soul I get by.....Rockin’ on

Greatly obsessed, distressed, depressed, maybe even a little possessed
But still….. Rockin’ on