I'm sorry, but I don't care how many "good things" people think are happening since Mary left. I don't care to know aobut them either. I drop them all in a breath to have her back. NOTHING good comes out of bad things. They just look good because the only thing you can compare them to is the bad thing. Yes, I see things I like happening but, God help me, if it's BECAUSE Mary's gone I'm going to be one pissed off, pistol packing momma, when I get to heaven. (And that's a pretty big assumption feeling the way I do right now.). Yes, I have a license to carry a concealed weapon. Now I just need to find one.
We grasp at all kinds of straws to help understand what happened to Mary. None help much at all but this is one of the defense mechanisms our minds create. Maybe I've turned into a cockeyed pessimist but I don't see her in the clouds or in the flowers I planted for her or in the butterflies that float around. I don't want to see her anywhere but right in front of me so I can grab on to her and never let her go. That's where I see her, reaching for me, calling my name, asking her momma to help her, bring her back. But I can't.
So, on to more organizing, more clean up, more things to do without Mary to help me. She'll just watch from afar, ever so pissed off she can't help.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.