Too much stress

Mary went skydiving with her new UGA roomies of 4 weeks on 9/7/2002. I was scared to death for her until she finally told me that you don’t jump alone. She had someone strapped to her back and someone in front of her taking a video of the entire trip. And what a trip it was. I have watched that video over and over and over. Her roomies found the VCR tape in her bedroom downstairs in April. They had it copied and put on a DVD. I hadn’t watched it since 2002. She is staring right at the camera and not once but twice she says “Hi Mom”. So, I keep it in my computer and watch it, watch her talk to me, over and over and over and over…. Gabe watched it with me and now he wants to jump out of a plane.

Tony called tonight. They are either in Wisc. or Minn. I can’t remember, camping on the shores of the lake and hiking while the doggies run around. It’s cold at night. At least they each have a doggie to snuggle with at night to keep them warm. Hope it too cold for fleas.

I thought last week that something was changing on my journey. Something felt different but I wasn’t’ sure what. It lasted about one day so I didn’t’ say anything. Unfortunately the feeling of horror I get whenever I think I’m letting her go flooded over me and whatever was new disappeared. Does any of this make sense? Most days there is so much going on around me that the only time I get to wrap myself up in Mary is when everyone else is asleep or out of the house. If I don’t do it I’m afraid I will start to forget all the little things. And I will NOT allow that to happen. Some say you’re supposed to keep busy so you won’t have time to dwell on the past. Busy stuff just passes the time until I can spend time with her.

I have filled up her toy box completely downstairs and still have more boxes to go through. We’re going back to NC this weekend to pick up more things. I gave Mary an antique treadle sewing machine for a college graduation present. She repaired it last year so she could have two machines to sew on. Both were Singer machines, one is around 60 years old and one around 80. She was teaching Cindy how to sew. Now Cindy is half finished with an apron Mary gave her the material and pattern for.

Mary’s work (Drake Software) dedicated a plaque in her honor last Friday at their company picnic. They are sending a picture to me and the dedication speech. During their busy season they work 50 – 70 hours a week. Mary would get migraine headaches, stomachaches, chest pains, etc stressing about if she’d get her programming done on time. She wanted the things she did to be done right. After Christmas she’d leave her tree up through late February because she didn’t get to enjoy it in December. Life’s way too short to spend it stressing out that much. I hope when they see her looking at her they’ll remember that and enjoy life even it is the busy season. . There’s always time for a 10 minute tea break, lunch with a friend, a short walk at lunch time, or a phone call to make some one smile.

“When you have the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.....”



Slammin’ down memories, arrows in my heart
Breakin’ up visions, images of love
Sharp and dull alike twisting in my back
Walkin’ on the edge, give a little shove

Wipin’ way the tear stains trailin’ down my face
Poundin’ on my chest to get my heart to beat
Pills for my head before it splits in half
Kisses for my family before I am too weak