Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What to do....

Haven't a fucking clue.  Just sitting in my chair staring at the TV.  No more shows to watch, finished them all last night.

The "party" was ok.  Hope there is never another one.  Can only say hope because you just never know.  Why do things like this bring out people you haven't seen in years and will probably not see again for years?  And some people you thought you'd see you don't.  

For those of you who don't know what to say, don't say anything, just hug.  For those of you who have to say something, I'm not really listening.

With Mary there was incredible anger and hate and the pain was unbearable.  Pain is still there but it has been routed down a different path.  With Danny there is incredible sadness and heart wrenching pain but I am in a bubble and only the sadness can seep in.  I know the pain would end me if I let it take over.  I am crying this morning for the first time since Tony's goodbye message.  Just sad little tears streaming down.  The doggies are at my feet.  They were both sleeping on Danny's sofa this morning.  I sat down and they both put their heads on my lap and Lil'man started moaning a little.  I could read a lot into that but I just held them and cuddled with them. 

Some of Danny's friends have taken little things of his to remind them of him.  I find it facsinating that many of my Mary poems are good to go for Danny. Just change the name.  "A Little Bit of Mary" will do just fine right here.

I am NOT changing his room for a long time. I have not put away his clothes although I have washed most of them.   There are still dirty clothes downstairs in his bathroom and room.  

I guess some things will always be a museum of love.  Mary's things are still downstairs.

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