Sunday, July 31, 2011

Not me

I really don't like sleeping anymore.  I know I have to, I know my body needs to rest and recuperate.  But I don't want to miss out on life.  Even if most of my sleep time is at night, in the dark, while everyone else is asleep.  I know this.

Once in awhile I do sleep in on a weekend morning.  But I'd rather be sitting on the back porch in the cool morning air.  Unfortunately right now it's not cool at 7am, or at 3am.

I don't want to dream either.  I know I've complained about hardly every dreaming about Mary.  If I can't or don't dream about her, what's the use in dreaming or trying to. Every few years I dream about my mother.  Sometimes I don't even recognize her.  I have very few pictures of her when I knew her.  Most of them are when Ann and Vyvyan were children.  I have pictures of Mary everywhere.  Mostly so the kids won't forget what she looks like.

Danny's feet are still swelling.  They were better when he got up this morning but since he's been upright, they have started swelling again.  I hope he is able to go to the beach.   The momma in me wants him home so I can take care of him.  The other momma wants him to be able to enjoy this time he has to leave Ga.

Life sucks.

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