SBT

So this is the end of a year with great highs and lows. Lows so deep I didn't want to keep going. Highs high enough to make me smile for a week. But I've lost all the joy I once had. Don't know when I'll get it back if ever.
So I sit here watching old tv shows as if time will go back to when they were made. Every nite I go to sleep reliving the last hour. I can't get it out of my head. Just like I couldn't get the crash out.
Get on with the business of living I keep telling my self. Sometimes I listen.
I got up this morning to work on my art. Sat down at 9am to log on to work to see if they needed me and got up at 5pm. My doc said I should go back to work to give some structure. And I am but I haven't got the heart for it I use to have. It took me a long time to get it back after Mary left and now I'm afraid it's gone for good. But I have bill to pay so.... Good thing I like my co workers..they are some of the best friends I have.

Sad but true.... Sbt