3rd mother's day

I don't know if I wrote anything on the past 2 mom's days.  I don't reread my journal.  Can't.  This year is calmer.  Still feels empty at times.  I remember a mom's day sitting on the floor on Danny's side opening little packages with the three of them watching me.  Nothing big, lotion, candy, something else, cards, just little stuff wrapped in newspaper or cloth.  It might have been the last one with Mary, I can only remember being there.  

I've kept as many of my birthday cards, anniversary cards, and mother's day cards as I can.  They don't all have dates on them so I can only look at the hand writing to judge the year. I want to be cremated with all of them. They are part of the chronicles of my life.

Julie won a contest and got me a ring that has her birthstone in it.  Then Kerry got me two more for Mary and Danny.

I wanna believe
that I will see you some day
walking in a field
or playing in the hay.

I wanna believe
you've got a smile on your face
where ever you are
holdin' my heart in place


And I wanna hear you callin' my name again
while we're runnin' up the mountain side

But I know I'm just pretending
hoping my life will start mending
all my love to you I'm sending

I wanna believe......
I wanna believe......