I have been reading my victim impact statement over and over (it's in Aug 09 writing). Hoping I could eventually read it without completely breaking down. I want to be very, very clear about what he has done to me and my family. I want him to listen very closely to everything we say. It will only hurt him for a few minutes. While it continues to hurt us every day the rest of our lives.
These last days have been almost unbearable waiting for Monday to come. I keep going over what will happen, what I think I will feel, will say, won't do. There are many people coming to support us. People we don't even know but were touched by the stories written about Mary. People who were at the scene and took care of her small lifeless body because her mother couldn't be there and her father couldn't protect her as he'd always promised.
We've learned the hard way, twice. You can't protect anybody from anything. That's what free will is.
I'm also brought back to realization that no matter how much two people are in tune with each other, how matched their souls are, there is no existential connection. Or I would have known something happened. I would have known a life force was sucked from this plane of existence to another. It's all lies to make people feel better. Like the one about god watching over you so nothing bad will happen to you. That's the worst lie of all. After all, he is supposedly the one who gave us free will.
So, let's see what happens on Monday. Let's see what his free will says that day.