Friday, February 18, 2011

Now What?

I have not done much all week long.  Just don't have the heart to get busy.  This time my mind is clear enough to realize that my body is not working properly.  We went to lunch after court and I couldn't eat much and thought I was going to throw up (which I NEVER do).  But instead my insides just got all out of whack and still are and it's been 5 days.   Will it take just as long this time to get back on track? I didn't get on FB until yesterday.  I haven't written here until this morning.  The posts for this week I just did.  

I did not want to talk about anything.  Just wanted to sit and chill and try to clear my soul.  It's not easy.  Hopefully I will be better when I have to go back to work.  I don't know.  I can still see him sitting in the chair in the court room, not phased by any of the words we spoke so it seemed.  I hope they burned holes in his soul but he hid the scars well.  

Can you imagine how you would feel if you killed someone?  He did not act like he was remorseful at all.  While reading my statement I kept staring at him.  I don't think he looked at me but once.  My mouth got dry and the last few words almost stuck together.  I kept saying I WANT HER BACK.

Gotta go, can't do this anymore.

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