American Idol

I have watched American Idol for about 5 years now.  But this year most all contestants on the show seems to be in the same boat as me.  They don't know who they are or rather what kind of artist they want to be.  I admit that I am not an artist, at least not yet.  I am a wanna be.  And I have a great many ideas floating around in the head of mine but since I am such a great procrastinator it is going to take awhile for me to figure out.  Being jack of all trades and a master of none doesn't help in this area.  

Few days later......
My sore throat got real, real bad the day before my surgery but I went in hopes they wouldn't cancel me.  They didn't so now more things hurt but eventually all should be fixed.  Wish that's the way life went.

My feelings, spirit, imaginings, whatever have been pretty all over the place these days.  On 3/22 I wanted to call Tony but my sore throat would have prohibited any kind of communication except maybe crying.  And I couldn't be sure if it would have been from my throat or my Mary. 

I don't like that the days and dates are mixed up.  Probably will bug me forever.  Mary came home late Thursday night to surprise Julie for her birthday the Tuesday before.  On Friday we went out to have a drink and chips and celebrate.  On Saturday Mary cooked on the grill, Carol, Donnie, and Jon came down for Julie's party.  Bill and Michele came over with a bottle of champagne for Julie.  Then around 8 Mike came by for a few minutes and after awhile told Julie it was time to come home because the kids needed to go to bed and she had chores to do.  No comment

So, tonight, Friday, is last years Thursday.  I went to see my counselor today.  Had to change days because of the surgery.  After discussing the fact that it's easier to pretend than to be resigned to the truth.  Pretending feels better, you can shelve your feelings till later.  Later may never have to come.  Then when things come into your mind that you don't want to remember you shake your head to get them out. 


I am told I can't keep pretending.  So, give me a couple of years and let's see what happens.