Thursday, June 25, 2009

Clay... I think not

We as parents ignite the spark of life creating a living, breathing being. We do so at our discretion, our timing, our whim. We are joyful at the birth of the little piece of humanity we started on its way. From here on, the debate between heredity and environment is unending. I, personally, believe a person’s life is like a slab of marble rather than a clump of clay. Somewhere in that marble slab is a statue of life and it’s up to us to sculpt away as our days turn to months and years. If we make a mistake and chip out too much marble or in the wrong place we have to live with that dent. We can smooth it over maybe so it’s not so noticeable or change that spot to be something else. If the chip is too large, well…. we just have to live with it.

The tools we use are the possibilities in life we are given. How well we sculpt depends upon the lessons learned through out life. It depends upon the resources we seek and the advice we choose to keep or ignore. I don’t know that anyone ever completes their statue, maybe a few people.

Mary’s statue had few mars or mistakes on it and it was far from being finished. She was not perfect by any means but she was much closer than I can ever hope to be. I have a lot of uh-oh’s in my statue. Julie and Danny are much the same as Mary. And that man who took Mary’s life, who murdered my little girl (yes, that’s how I feel) has just broken his statue in half. His can never be made to look anything close to its expectation.

We are not clay, we cannot start over again. We can only adjust, adapt, or accommodate.

I have to admit that the pain of reality is much more acute now, not so fuzzy all day long. I am fine for awhile, trying to concentrate on what needs to be done for the moment. Then, just like a bomb ticking it last tick, just like the doorbell ringing that night, the thought of life without Mary explodes in my chest and my fa├žade cracks a little more. I guess the truth will keep evolving as time goes by until it either envelops us or disintegrates. I don’t see either happening for the moment.

“Truth is just a point of view. Find one you like and run with it.”

Everybody’s dying
From the moment they are born
Some make it sooner
Some live till they are old

If life is so precious
Why give it to those who don’t care
Some try so hard to live
Life is so unfair

Yes, god did make the world go round
But that is where he stopped
He gave it to his people
Hoping they could get along

Now he watches them struggle
He cannot interfere
Some have no souls
Some just persevere

Am I holding on too tight
Am I afraid of letting go
Am I gearing up for a fight
That has no place to go

You are who you are born to be
People bring it out
They either sustain or hamper you
On your way through life

Life’s battles can’t be won or lost
You can only carry on
There is no win or loose in life
There is only right and wrong

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