Lost???

Tony has come and gone back to Colorado.  It was so wonderful seeing him.  It felt like Mary was just around the corner.  He is still very lost without her.  We talked, we cried, we cursed together.  I told him how much talking to someone about Mary helps me.  And I’m not sure why it helps so much.  It’s like a release valve.  He knows he needs some kind of reason to keep going but he can’t find it.  He seems to be looking for something, which is good.  He doesn’t have all the distractions we have. 

His parents came home on Saturday.  Tony ate dinner with them but didn’t stay with them at night.  We all ate together on Sunday night too.  Mary bought dinner for us.  I wish he had a better relationship with his parents.  But there’s nothing I can do.

When we started eating Thanksgiving dinner no one said anything about Mary.  I wasn’t sure what to do.  I kept talking about Mary’s coleslaw.  Tony pulled me aside and wondered why no one said anything.  So, I got everyone together and we toasted Mary.  It’s very hard sometimes to even think about her without bursting into tears.  And then sometimes I can talk about her for awhile and be very calm. 

I bought Tony a punching bag so he could have something to hit and release his anger on but he didn’t use it.  Not sure if I’m going to keep it or not.

We re-did Kerry’s computer room so he could have a ‘retreat’ from the world.