Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Black holes

Life Link came to my work and gave a presentation on donating life.  Yes, it’s more than just “organs”, it’s LIFE.  Only 5 people attended.  The Life Link lady, a kidney recipient, and my friend who donated one of her kidney’s (living donor) all talked for around an hour just as if there had been 40 or 50 people watching.  Yes, many had excellent reasons they didn’t come.  I guess I should assume other people didn’t come because they were already signed up to be organ donors.  Still, there was still much to be learned, and I did.  I wasn’t embarrassed, I was disappointed.  But I have come to find out, just as I was told I would, others don’t live and breathe things to do with Mary.  I may want the world to acknowledge her every minute of every day as I do but it’s not realistic.  I have to learn to accept this.  It’s hard.  The world lost a life of immeasurable vastness.  You cannot imagine what she could have accomplished.  There is a hole in the “life force” (as Star Wars calls it) that I don’t want to be filled in.  I want it to remain empty so all will see.  But, as with holes everywhere in the universe, over time, something is sucked into it and it fills up.  Especially black holes.  That’s what’s left right now – a freakin’ BLACK HOLE.

I cried going home.  But I got over it.  I truly don’t want anyone to understand what I feel or how I feel.  I want them to appreciate how I feel by appreciating their families and to realize the support they give me is so needed and appreciated by me. 

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