I just cannot get in the mood for good tidings. I put up decorations and they look blah. But first I took everything out of my kitchen so I could repaint it. I painted over the crackled paneling that Mary and I had such a good time painting several years ago. Each stroke reminded me of the mess we made, the bad spots we laughed over. I found all the places we were going to redo "later". The whole wall behind the stove was where we were learning how to "crackle". It looked worse than I remember. But I painted over all of it. Gave it a new look, a new face for the world to see.
Then when I started putting things back in the kitchen, I looked at all the things that were in Mary's kitchen. Some I use and some I don't but it felt good to look at them. I probably had 14 cook books and only used maybe 3. So I've moved some of those to another book case. I hope it doesn't turn in to "out of sight, out of mind" or I might have to move them back in.
So, now my house is a mess. Kitchen stuff everywhere (I haven't finished reconstructing it) and Christmas stuff everywhere. I don't think I'll leave the tree up till March this year. Just don't have the will and I can't stand the mess. Christmas ain't what it used to be. I tried, I really did try to be happy for Mary but the nights weren't accommodating. And I can't take the "happy every after" Christmas stories on the Hallmark channel.
And I supposed Christmas hasn't been the same since we started waiting for another heart. Accidents happen on holidays. They called Danny on Jan 2nd two years ago and a week after July 4th this year. I hate that.