I am jealous

Do you know how hard it is to wake up each morning knowing Mary is gone and she was not able to help anybody else on the transplant list.  Something she talked about and thought about all the time. All the time I see stories about beautiful young lives lost that gave of themselves to help others live.  I blame him.  He killed not only Mary and our lives but as many as 8 other people who could have been saved by Mary.  Maybe more with tissues and such.  I see those families so happy (if you can be) in the knowledge that some part of their loved one is walking around this earth.  I am so freakin' jealous I can't stand it.  

And I just said jealous.  Maybe jealous isn't the word....  empty, heart broken, sad....  if I had any chance of seeing anything come out of this ridiculously cruel situation it would be to see something of her or know some part of her is still walking this earth helping someone else.

Talked to the DA today.  No trial in Sept. Just another 5 minute court date to postpone again.  His lawyer has filed motions to suppress the blood test taken at the scene and anything he said at the scene. The DA can't get the blood test taken at the TN hospital because of HIPPA.  Sept 13th will be a continuance till Dec or February.  We just might make that 2 year wait date.


Something in me is changing again.  It maybe my disposition.