Sunday, November 21, 2010

2nd Day of Vacation

Ok.  Let's move the elephant.  The week of Feb 14th 2011 is the trial.  Jury selection will start on Monday afternoon and hopefully all will be finished by Friday.  After all, like the ADA said, what evidence could they possibly offer to prove innocence.  They will pick a part the state's evidence.  

For his ticket, he got 20 days suspended jail time with supervised probation for a year, $100 file, court costs, and other costs I think.  I lost concentration when they said "suspended jail time".  My mouth was gaping open and I think I said "whatttttt????" a little too loud.  Sorry it took so long to write this but it pissed me off royally even though I sat through two other DUI's who got suspended sentences too. Why can't the judges and jury be the people who have been affected by the crimes committed?  Those are the real "peers".  Yes, I know there are innocent people charged with crimes but in this particular case he is not innocent.  Just fess up like a kid who stole the candy bar and life would be easier for you or at least for your conscience.  We will not go up for the Dec 6th court date because he doesn't have to appear in court.  Just has to show himself to the ADA that morning.  Ugh!

I think someone is living in Mary and Tony's house.  A friend saw people in it while driving by.  I don't want to over there.  Haven't been since we closed it up last summer. It still hurts driving up the same roads on our way to Carol's but we have family in Hayesville and that's not going to change.  But I will not drive the road from Hayesville to Franklin, I will not.

I realize it's been 20 months since we last saw Mary's face in the flesh or heard her sweet voice.  I also realize a lot of people affected by our loss have made life changing decisions and moves and may not be able to come to the trial as promised.  If you need my understanding, I understand that you will still be here in spirit and I will tell you each evening exactly what happened even if it is biased.  I can't put it on FB but here or a phone call will do.

Now for my vacation... today is Sunday.  Yesterday was a total unadulterated waste of 19 hours.  I did have to sleep a little so that wasn't wasted.  I could not get myself going. I sat in my chair and read, played on my Itouch, watched tv, dreamed, stared at the walls, wished I had some energy to do something.  After all it's not like I don't have anything to do.  I have way too much to do to be doing nothing.  If I'd had a pill that could have got me going I would have taken it.  I hate doing nothing and that was all I could muster yesterday.  I didn't cook, barely got up to pee, I did feed the doggies (their water bowl was dry).  Except for wishing I was dead I physically felt like I did that first few months.  I have had days like this before but not to the extent that I wished it was another day and I was another person.   I had vacation days over the last 20 months and I don't remember feeling this lost.  Albeit most of them were spent at the Hayesville court house some were here at home doing constructive things.  What's different?

I guess if I don't quit typing and get off by butt I repeat yesterday.  I can see Mary waving for me to come on saying "let's get going so we can go shopping this afternoon".  We do love to go thrift store and antique shopping together.  I'm going to make a bumper sticker that says "Life sucks so let's go shopping".    I will tell you tonight what Mary and I did today.  If I have someone to be accountable to I'm more likely to keep my word to myself.  Thanks for being there for me.

No comments:

Post a Comment