?????????????

I have to re-evaluate my point of view.  Maybe, just maybe, everyone else doesn't see things the way I do.  Amazing concept isn't it?  Actually it dawned on me yesterday that what I think is important isn't important to everyone even though we live in the same world, same yard, same house, same room.  I wish I could explain this better cause I'm sounding like I'm totally self centered. So, here goes.

Yesterday with all the storms the tomato plants in my front yard fell over.  I have two that are in cages right beside my front porch. (The dirt there is awesome and I don't have to water them.)  I've been trying to get Kerry to fix the cages so that they don't fall over in the wind storm.  He hasn't done it (obviously).  As I was looking at them some little smart ass voice inside me said "who gives a crap about some spindly ole tomato plants? You were the one who wanted them, you're the one who likes to dig in the yard, you're the one who thinks they should be all neat and pretty.  So go fix them yourself."  And the little bastard has a point.  I look at my front yard and see weeds and bald spots.  Everyone else around me sees green stuff on dirt.  Who cares if it's a weed, it's green.

I see a messy house and everyone else sees a well lived in, comfy place to lay their head.  

I'M the one who doesn't fit in here.  And I'm the one who keeps trying to change everyone else.  Can't do it, won't work.  I should stop.    And I try to but it's just not working. So something has to change.

And I think that something or someone is me.  I know I've changed a lot since Mary left.  Some people can tell, some can't.  Guess I expect others to live up to my expectations.  Must be that control factor.  I know I can't live up to theirs and I don't want to try. So what is it inside me that wants everything to be and look like I want it to?  


So now I'm going to try to change myself.  I have to just let life go as it goes.  I can only control what I put into my mouth and I'm lucky I can do that. So, I'm going to start getting rid of the junk in my life that is clouding my perspective.  I have a lot of "stuff" that everyone else thinks is junk.  So maybe it is.  If I give up some of them maybe I'll have more time to be more patient.  I don't know.  Am I grasping at straws?  


Guess I'll figure it out one day.