This desert is calm. No sand storms, no searing heat, no inviting mirages, nothing but sand everywhere. I've just been standing here looking around. There is no path, nothing to help me know where to turn. And I don't know what to do. I don't know where north or west is.
I'm not hungry or tired. I don't really feel anything. I don't hear anything. I guess this is what existence is when you've lost sight of where you were heading. Maybe life has to catch up with you to populate your world. I don't want to populate it if Danny isn't coming home.
I cry but I do not let myself sob. I remember how that felt with Mary and I will not let myself go there. I cannot handle that kind of pain again. And Danny knows that. I am not a walking zombie, I am numb and that's just fine with me.
Danny's friends are hanging out in his room, doing what they always do, talking, laughing, drinking, watching TV, waiting for him to come up stairs. I LOVE IT. I'm waiting too. I see him walking around the house, mostly from his side into the kitchen. Just strolling along, not hurrying. He never hurried except to go to the bathroom or go to Zak's or Mary's.
Love you more, love you most.